Pick Up Women
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The Pickup Artist is an American reality television dating themed game show that aired on VH1. The show was hosted by pickup artist Mystery (Erik von Markovik) and his wings J-Dog (Justin Marks) and James Matador, with Tara Ferguson replacing J-Dog in season 2. The first season featured eight male contestants that had previously been unsuccessful in love and relationships. Jan 29, 2019 'A woman is a 'target,' an interaction is a 'set,' and he'll try to take her to a 'seduction location,' he says. It's a 'pick up artist 101 trick' that's used to begin physical escalation. The movement has a surprisingly long pedigree, dating back to Eric Weber’s now almost 50-year-old manual How to Pick Up Girls. Today, this seems relatively sedate stuff. Weber writes, “the. Nov 10, 2015 We gave points to each country for their place on these lists, then consulted Easiness of Girls by Country by pick-up artist (PUA) Daryush Valizadeh and his colleagues to assign a final score. Flirty Pick-Up Lines. Trying to win over someone is so much easier when you’ve got a good sense of.
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Not many people recognize the name Neil Strauss.
Millions, however, know of “the guy who wrote The Game“—the self-proclaimed “transformational journalist” who wrote a reportage-style memoir on “the secret society of pickup artists.” The book became the bible of any AFC (average frustrated champ) hoping to become a PUA (pick-up artist) and perhaps even a PUG (pick-up guru).
Strauss, in the words of the LA Times is “a hero to men seeking women.”
But that’s not how he sees himself.
Now, he is someone who doesn’t fear commitment or intimacy as revealed in his latest book The Truth: An Uncomfortable Book about Relationships. The latest installation follows Strauss from cheating, to sex addiction therapy, to polyamory, to swinging, to setting up a love commune, to hiking Macchu Picchu with a sore, overused penis, to enlightenment and—finally—to monogamy and his own wedding.
The Truth is a well-written book, and a hard one to put down. Strauss is a master at what’s perhaps the greatest secret of writing about oneself (other than, well, being able to write): he has the confidence and bravery of holding nothing back. Not the graphic details, not the uncomfortable feelings.
But how does Strauss reconcile teaching men how to pick up women—through The Rules of The Game, featuring”10 more ways to disqualify” a woman (pdf, p. 81)—and running a lucrative business from what he’s learned as a pick-up artist with this new, grown-up self who values relationships and love?
The following is edited for clarity.
So after teaching millions of men how to “trick” women into liking them, you are now a convinced monogamist. What happens to The Game, that culture, and its rules?
I think there’s a cultural narrative, which is: guy who is a pick-up artist and now is a monogamist, and that’s a 180-degree turn. But that’s not quite the way I see it, which is more: there’s a lonely guy who is horrible with women, and always in the friend-zone and frustrated, who meets some people who show him how to meet women and sort of fix this social problem in his life and. Now he has another problem later in life, which is commitment and relationships. To me it’s just a linear line.
What about your personal “brand”?
There are this ideas in the culture about branding but it’s so stupid to brand yourself. You are a person, you’re growing and changing so a branding is almost like saying “this is who I am going to be” and defining yourself to a very narrow niche which forbids growth. That would be a nightmare for me, I can only hope that I continue to write books that continue to chronicle the authenticity of who I am in that moment.
You’ve described The Gameas essentially manipulation (0:56), and said that this book, The Truth, is the opposite of that manipulation. Do you feel that way, that the lifestyle of The Game is a manipulative one?
The Game is different from the sort of seduction community that it chronicles. Even though it’s been used as a how-to, The Game really is just my story in and out of [the seduction community], the things I see as good, the things I see as bad, the things I got really caught up in and seduced by.
I was obviously a journalist, so that community existed before The Game. I just put it all in, so I wouldn’t change the book because it’s simply chronicling that experience. But now some the things that I might have thought were positive at the time I don’t see as positive.
In an interview recently (2:50), you joked about your contribution to the culture being “people wearing ridiculous clothes.” But there’s no doubt that you actually have contributed something to culture. What do you think that is?
I guess I have no idea as to what my contribution to the culture is.
I did realize when I published the game that it was like a forking path. One path was a weird blip on the pop culture radar where people go out wearing ridiculous clothes saying scripted canned lines and routines. The other was a way to get into self-improvement and growth and feel good about it and, though it’s something very subjective, “masculine.”
But I’ve seen some people get into [the game] and it just speaks to their dark side, they become worse human beings than they already were.
Do you feel responsible for that?
I think you can’t control how people respond to your book.
All I know is what I read in the media and what I know as a person. As a person, people come up to me and say this book changed my life, or I’m married now and this really helped me, I was really lost. So what I hear anecdotally is positive things. What I read in the media is negative things.
The simple answer is: every time you put out something in the culture, whether it’s a tweet or a book, you are opening yourself up, it’s no longer in your control and you have to let go of that. If we worried about that stuff I think the Bible shouldn’t be in print, judging by the amount of people how’ve been killed because of it.
Do you believe that a man can have a trusting relationship even though it is a sacrifice of his own nature? In the words of a geneticist you speak to in the book: “a woman can never be perfect enough for a man not to want to cheat on her”?
Absolutely not. The geneticist I talk to in the book was really talking about himself.
It comes from a certain parental upbringing that I shared also. I think if anyone feels trapped in a relationship, it’s because they felt trapped in their relationship with mom or dad, whatever gender they are attracted to, growing up. So to me the real point of the book is that we have these beliefs and constructs in our heads that keep us from happiness—monogamy and non monogamy, men and women. All those things are complete illusions but because growing up we are programmed by the love and experiences from our parents we walk around seeing the world from this box, and it’s not the world.
For somebody who grew up taking care of a parent, versus the parent taking care of you, you start to give yourself worth through taking care of needy people. One tends to get in relationships with needy people, they care for them, but then they become resentful and cheat—it’s a selfish dynamic.
In the book, when you open up to Ingrid—your now wife—about your explorations of sexuality, you mention that your promiscuous lifestyle was part of your healing. Sounds Osho-like: do you really need to lose yourself to find yourself?
People always ask me what’s the advice I would give to a 20-year old, and the advice is: no piece of advice I can give, or very few, is really going to change you. Otherwise all those little memes and inspirational thoughts would really change people but they don’t. You have to learn from your own experience, because a lot of the stuff is wired emotionally, not intellectually.
For sure in The Game and The Truth, I go through the dark side to come out. It’s almost like a myth:you go through the forest, you go through the darkest part, and you fight the demons and at the end you get a treasure.
Both your books—certainly, The Game, but The Truth as well—are rather misogynistic. Has your image of women changed at all?
I don’t think that I ever had a negative view of women at all, but I think in The Game it was certainly very objectifying. The whole premise of the game is objectification if you think about it. I think my self esteem was so low that I was trying to get my self esteem from other people’s bodies. The opposite sex was a way for me to feel better about myself versus just seeing everyone as individual and human being.
In The Truth I began with the idea that I was somehow trapped in the expectations—and it didn’t have to be women it can be any relationship, if I was gay it would be men—and I think in the end I let go of that. To me it’s a journey to finding love and connection that and not being afraid of connection and love.
What about the way you see other men? Has it changed at all since you wrote The Game?
If anything changed maybe is I made a lot of distinctions about men and women and what’s evolutionary and what’s not. Now I don’t see those distinctions being true, I think most of those things are completely cultural. In the seduction community the game chronicled, there are a lot of really unhealthy beliefs about that: the whole premise of getting into the seduction world really puts a divide between you and the gender you are trying to seduce.
Certainly The Game exposed the seduction community to the world, whatever that means, whether that’s been a good thing or a bad thing, we have no idea. Definitely it was not the intention. The intention was I just found this interesting community and had a journey through it and had no idea the effect it could have.
You have a little son. Would you want him to read The Game?
The real idea is that, hopefully, I will raise him with enough self esteem that he won’t need to read the game. Because The Game is really to me a book about male insecurity, more than anything else.
And some of The Truth is an attempt to raise myself, because I wasn’t raised maybe by my parents or by the culture, and that’s what each book is. And I think in our culture if we’re sick we go to the hospital, we go to school to learn but we do nothing for our emotional health.
To me The Truth was sort of like a late emotional upbringing. The message is giving tools with which you can look at yourself that you don’t sabotage your life, your career, your relationship, your own happiness.
That’s what I hope it is. We’ll see.
Which of the following is the easiest way to pick up women?
- Start off by developing a connection with her and then try to get somewhere.
- Be sleazy and go straight for the kill.
- Get to know her over a long period of time and hope that something develops between you and her.
- Immediately make her feel sexually attracted and turned on as you begin to talk to her and then develop a connection with her so she feels sexually attracted to you and romantically interested in you.
So, which of those seems like the easiest way to pick up women?
Most guys try 1 and 3, which is why they get rejected.
The majority of guys out there try to use The Friends First Approach, or try to get to know a woman in a friendly way and show her that they’re not a threat, they don’t want anything sexual and they just want to get to know her and be a friend.
Some guys use the approach of being sleazy and going straight for the kill because they’re sick and tired of trying to develop a connection with a woman and be friendly with her and hope to get somewhere over time.
So, they walk up to women and say, “Hey, can I get your phone number?” or “Hey, can I buy you a drink?” or “Hey, you got a boyfriend?” and go straight for the kill.
However, the guys who get laid and get a girlfriend very easily and consistently are the ones who start off an interaction by making a woman feel sexually attracted by what he’s saying and doing.
He doesn’t try to pick her up immediately and he doesn’t try to get anywhere immediately, but he starts making her experience sexual feelings for him.
He does that by displaying traits and behaviors that naturally attract women. For example: A guy will be confident, funny, charming, charismatic, unpredictable, masculine and socially intelligent.
Those traits will come across as he talks to her and she’ll naturally start to feel attracted to him.
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Now, some guys who hear that might think, “Hang on, how’s the woman going to like him unless he’s good looking? Isn’t it all about looks? Doesn’t a guy have to be tall and good looking if a woman’s going to feel sexually attracted to him?”
That’s not how it works.
It’s true that women can feel attracted to a man if he’s handsome and he’s tall.
That is true, but it’s also true that women can feel attracted to a normal looking guy, an average looking guy, a below average looking guy if he actively makes that woman feel sexually attracted by the personality traits, behaviors and inner qualities that he displays as he talks to her.
To help you understand how it works, let’s have a look at what sexual attraction actually is.
Sexual attraction is a feeling that a woman gets that makes her want to have sex with a man.
Her feelings of sexual attraction can be triggered in many different ways.
Obvious triggers that most guys know about are looks, status, money, big dick and being tall.
Yet, what most guys don’t know is that they can make a woman feel sexually attracted by displaying certain personality traits, behaviors and inner qualities during an interaction with her. Traits like confidence, charisma, charm, masculinity, humor, social intelligence and unpredictability.
Most guys try to get laid or get a girlfriend by displaying traits that don’t even turn a woman on such as politeness, academic intelligence, niceness and kindness.
Now, that’s not to say that women don’t care about niceness and kindness and academic intelligence, but those are not the traits that initially make a woman feel sexually attracted to a guy.
Those are traits that a woman will appreciate and even love AFTER she feels sexually attracted to a guy.
However, most guys don’t know that so a guy will walk over and try to pick a woman up and he’ll be friendly and nice to her and he’ll try to have an easy-going chat with her, but she won’t be showing any interest.
She’ll be closed up and she won’t contribute much to the conversation and she might even give him looks like that or tell him to leave her alone.
He’ll then go back and talk to his friends and say, “What a bitch. I was going over and talking to her. I was being nice. I was being friendly. What’s her problem? What’s wrong with women these days? Stuck up bitches. It’s like why are they so difficult?”
Yet, what he doesn’t understand is that a man’s attraction for a woman is different to a woman’s attraction for a man. A man can feel instantly motivated to want to be with a woman simply based on her physical appearance.
However, the majority of women don’t feel motivated enough simply based on a guy’s appearance.
It’s true that some women can feel motivated enough to want to be with a guy if he’s handsome.
However, the majority of women place way more important on how a guy makes her feel as he talks to her.
For example:
- Is he turning her on or is he making her feel neutral?
- Is he able to get her laughing and smiling or is he kind of boring and asking her questions like, “So what do you for a living? What’s your name? Where are you from?”
- Is he able to pass her confidence tests as she plays hard-to-get to test his confidence or does he look awkward and unsure of himself when she starts testing him by playing hard to get?
The Simple Change That Changed My Life
One of the reasons I work so hard here at The Modern Man is that I used to be one of the guys who got rejected and then I turned my life around by simply knowing how to attract women while I talk to them.
Once I was able to attract women during a conversation, I was able to begin enjoying my choice of women.
I was able to walk up and talk to women and pull them back for sex, get their phone number, have sex on the first date, have sex on the second date, have multiple women in my life at once.
Then recently, I found this girl and she’s my woman now.
Personally, I feel sorry for the majority of guys out there who do not understand this simple thing about women and attraction.
Most guys go through life wasting so much time putting in effort to build up muscle, build up their career, buy better shoes, invest in a car and hopefully impress women.
Here’s the thing…
There’s nothing wrong with a guy going to the gym if he wants to. There’s nothing wrong with a guy being strong and building up his muscles if he likes that. There’s nothing wrong with a guy having a nice car or building up his career.
However, a guy doesn’t actually need to do that to get laid or get a girlfriend. Some women are picky, yes and they want a tall guy with muscles.
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Great, that’s fantastic and some women want a guy with an amazing car.
Good for them, but the majority of women including beautiful and pretty women don’t even have high standards.
Fact: Most Women Have Fake Standards About Men
What guys don’t realize about most women is that their standards are fake and all it usually takes is one to two minutes of conversation where you’re making her feel attracted and all her BS fake standards about men go right out the window.
If someone asks a woman what her dream guy is, she might say tall, handsome, rich, big dick, six-pack abs, blah, blah, blah.
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However, if a normal average or even below average looking guy walks up to her and makes her feel sexually attracted and turned on during a conversation, she’s going to be interested in him and if he’s able to charm her as he talks to her and move towards kissing and sex, she’s going to be his girlfriend and maybe even his wife.
It’s so damn simple, but the majority of guys don’t know it.
When you are one of the rare guys who are able to make women feel attracted to you during a conversation, you have so much choice with women.
It’s so damn easy.
If you want to learn exactly what to say and do to instantly start getting results with women, I recommend that you read my ebook, The Flow, or listen to the audio version, The Flow on Audio.
The Flow is about starting with sexual attraction.
It’s about starting out by making her feel sexually attracted to you, by triggering those feelings in her because once you do that, everything else naturally flows on from one step to the next.
There’s no need for her to play hard-to-get or play games or say that she only wants to be friends or she doesn’t give out her number or she’s not looking for a relationship right now.
She’s feeling sexually attracted to you and if you can just connect with her for a little bit, which is super easy, she’s going to feel more than motivated to want to give you her phone number or kiss you, have sex with you, go on a date with you and start with a relationship with you.
It’s so damn easy.
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